Healing from Shame: Reclaiming Your Relationship with Your Body

Shame is a heavy emotion—it lingers in our minds and settles deep within our bodies, shaping how we see ourselves and interact with the world. When it comes to our bodies and sexuality, shame can feel especially overwhelming, leaving us disconnected, inhibited, and uncertain about how to reclaim joy and pleasure. But there is hope. Healing from shame and rebuilding a positive relationship with your body is possible. It takes courage, compassion, and a willingness to explore yourself in new ways.

My Personal Story

I grew up in Montreal, Canada—a city that doesn’t shy away from its sexy side. Even as a child, I could sense that this was a place where people embraced their desires and their bodies without shame. That environment shaped me profoundly, teaching me to see sexuality as something inherently human, joyful, and worth celebrating.

As I stepped into adulthood, I dove headfirst into my own sexual exploration. It felt natural, like an energy I was born to embody. I moved through life with a playful, empowered connection to my body and desires. Even after experiencing significant sexual traumas, I managed to stay rooted in this energy, free of shame, and fully connected to my essence.

But life, as it does, brought its challenges. At the end of a toxic relationship, I was so emotionally shaken that my body went into shock—my period stopped completely. For the first time, I began to question my connection to my sexuality. Was it somehow to blame for the painful experiences I’d been through? The doubt was unsettling, and it led me to a period of celibacy.

Eventually, I entered a new relationship. But this man was unlike anyone I’d been with before—less open and comfortable with sexuality, and far more critical of how I expressed myself. He questioned the way I dressed, the confidence I carried, and even the energy I naturally exuded. Over time, I started to tone myself down, adjusting the way I dressed, spoke, and moved in the world. He suggested that I needed to be more “reserved,” that I was attracting negative sexual energy, and for the first time, I started to believe it. For the first time, I felt shame.

Slowly, I shut down. My vibrant, confident connection to my sexuality faded, replaced by self-doubt and disconnection. I spent years feeling like a stranger in my own body, completely detached from pleasure and from myself. Four pregnancies and 14 years of non-stop breastfeeding didn’t exactly help matters—I felt less like a woman and more like a full-time milk machine. I was a partner, a mother, a caretaker, a provider—but not me. Not the woman I had once been.

After my marriage ended, I turned to tantra, hoping to reconnect with my sexuality. Stepping back into the world of sensuality and sexuality felt like coming home, as though I was reclaiming a vital part of myself that had been missing for far too long. This time, the exploration was deeply personal—focused on my own sexuality rather than depending on a partner. As I delved into this journey, I began to uncover and reconnect with parts of myself that had been lost or repressed over the years. Yet, despite this progress, traces of shame still lingered, holding me back from fully embracing my power.

Then came a turning point: my training in Sexological Bodywork. Two weeks of intensive immersion, surrounded by the energy of sexuality, with daily practices of breathing, mindfulness and bodywork. Among these was a somatic exercise called Witnessing. It was during this practice that I experienced what is called a body epiphany—a profound, somatic opening.

In that moment, something shifted. I realized that the shame I’d been carrying wasn’t mine at all. It was his—my former partner’s shame, projected onto me, and I had unknowingly absorbed it. My body had held onto it for years, but in that moment of clarity, I felt it dissolve.

I was left standing in the truth of who I am: a woman completely at home in her body, empowered by her sexuality, free of shame.

That moment was liberating in a way I’d never thought possible. For the rest of the day, I felt weightless, blissful, like I was walking on air. And in that moment, I truly understood the transformative power of Sexological Bodywork. I knew this work was meant to be shared with the world, and I couldn’t wait to help others reconnect with their own bodies, their own truths, and their own joy.

Understanding Shame and Its Impact

Shame often stems from societal, cultural, or personal messages about what is "acceptable" when it comes to our bodies and sexuality. Whether it’s a result of critical comments, traumatic experiences, religious teachings, or unattainable beauty standards, shame can manifest in several ways:

• Feeling disconnected or numb in your body.

• Avoiding intimacy or pleasure out of guilt or embarrassment.

• Engaging in negative self-talk or harshly criticizing your appearance.

• Experiencing anxiety or discomfort during physical intimacy.

These responses are not your fault. They are natural reactions to the messages you’ve internalized over time. However, recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free.

1. Start with Compassion

Shame thrives in environments of judgment and criticism, but it cannot survive in the presence of self-compassion. Begin by treating yourself with the same kindness you would show to a loved one. When negative thoughts arise, try countering them with gentle affirmations like:

• “My body is deserving of love and care.”

• “It’s okay to feel what I’m feeling. Healing is a process.”

Compassion also means giving yourself permission to feel and process your shame without judgment. This acknowledgment is a vital part of letting it go.

2. Reconnect with Your Body

Reclaiming your relationship with your body begins with reconnecting to it. Shame often creates a sense of disconnection, but somatic practices can help rebuild that bridge. Here are some approaches to try:

• Mindful Touch: Spend time exploring your body through gentle, non-sexual touch. Notice sensations without judgment, focusing on areas that feel pleasant or neutral.

• Breathwork: Deep, intentional breathing can calm the nervous system and help you feel more present in your body.

• Movement: Activities like yoga, dancing, or somatic movement encourage you to inhabit your body in ways that feel freeing and joyful.

These practices aren’t about fixing yourself; they’re about getting curious and creating a deeper sense of connection.

3. Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Shame is often rooted in beliefs that no longer serve you. Begin identifying the stories you’ve been telling yourself about your body and sexuality. For example:

• “I’m not attractive enough to deserve intimacy.”

• “Pleasure is selfish or wrong.”

• “My body is flawed because it doesn’t look like [insert ideal here].”

Once you’ve identified these beliefs, challenge them. Ask yourself where they came from and whether they’re really true. Replace them with empowering beliefs like:

• “My worth is not determined by my appearance.”

• “Pleasure is a natural and healthy part of life.”

• “Every body is unique, and mine deserves love and acceptance.”

4. Explore Pleasure Without Pressure

One of the most powerful ways to heal from shame is by allowing yourself to experience pleasure on your own terms. This doesn’t have to be sexual; it can be as simple as enjoying a warm bath, savoring a delicious meal, or feeling the sun on your skin.

If you’re open to exploring sexual pleasure, approach it with a sense of curiosity rather than performance. Solo practices like mindful masturbation can help you rediscover what feels good without the pressure to please anyone else. Remember, pleasure is your birthright—a source of joy, not something to feel guilty about.

5. Seek Support When You Need It

Healing from shame is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. A supportive community or professional can provide valuable guidance and reassurance. Working with a sexological bodyworker, therapist, or coach who specializes in somatic healing can help you process deeper layers of shame and learn tools to reconnect with your body.

Group settings, such as workshops or support circles, can also be incredibly empowering. Hearing others’ stories can remind you that you’re not alone and that healing is possible for everyone.

6. Celebrate Progress

Finally, recognize and celebrate the steps you’ve taken toward healing. Progress isn’t always linear, but every moment of self-kindness and body connection matters. Acknowledge the small wins: the moments when you felt at ease in your skin, allowed yourself to experience pleasure, or challenged a negative thought.

Conclusion

Healing from shame is not about achieving perfection; it’s about finding freedom. Freedom to embrace your body as it is, to experience joy and connection, and to rewrite the narratives that have kept you stuck. It’s a process that takes time, patience, and courage, but with each step, you move closer to a life filled with self-acceptance and pleasure.

Your body is not your enemy. It’s your ally, your home, and a source of infinite possibility. When you let go of shame and reclaim your relationship with your body, you open the door to a world of healing, empowerment, and joy.

If you’re ready to take the next step in healing and reconnecting with your body, consider booking a session in Sexological Bodywork. This practice offers guided support to help release shame, rediscover pleasure, and rebuild a positive relationship with your body.